(This photo is from Amy and Frank’s proposal that I shot earlier this year)

Did you know there’s some etiquette when it comes to engagements and weddings? As a neutral bystander observing all the fun that happens during this time, here are some tips for making this season happy for both you and your friends and loved ones!

1. Don’t spoil the surprise! If you were at an engagement or proposal scene, hold off on posting the photos to Facebook, posting a new status update, or wishing your friends congrats on their wall when they have not made it public. Announcing an engagement is extremely personal (some of my engaged friends keep it private) – so don’t spoil the surprise!

2. If you have nothing nice to say… Don’t say it at all.

3. When’s the wedding? They probably have no idea. Wedding planning is stressful and difficult. Setting a wedding date will take time. Let the engaged couple enjoy their engagement!

4. If you’re a wedding vendor… hold the business part back. I’ve wavered on this, but the lesson is that personal and professional should not mix, it’s really easy to hurt a friendship in that way. If a friend asks me for advice I will give it, but I wait for them to approach first. If a friend asks me to be their photographer, I treat the wedding photography part like I do any other client – there are contracts, mail under my professional letterhead, it is strictly business – and everyone benefits that way.

5. Don’t assume you’re invited. Invite list – oh boy, major drama! Weddings are expensive and personal. Some couples may choose to elope, some will have a small celebration. It’s not an excuse to get drunk, it’s not a dance where you bring your latest and greatest date, and being a bridesmaid is not just about matching dresses and a hand-tied bouquet. If you’re invited, you’ll know – typically, save-the-dates go out ~6 months before the wedding, with invites following at around ~2  months prior.

That being said though, engagement season is a super fun time! Did any of you get to participate in or witness a  proposal this year?

Shang is a wedding photographer known for imagery that pops with color, personality, and energy. Shang is looking forward to hopefully attending some friends’ weddings in 2012!
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If there’s one crazy event to experience in a lifetime of wedding planning, there’s nothing that can quite top Filene’s Basement’s semi-annual Running of the Brides, happening this year on February 19th, 2010 in Boston, MA. Check their website for the fall date as well as dates in other cities. (The Boston Running of the Brides is going to be at the Hynes Convention Center, official details are here)

For the uninitiated, Filene’s Basement basically gathers lots of extra inventory, sample sizes, of designer wedding dresses, and sells them at a heavy discount to the masses twice a year at an event called Running of the Brides. Dresses that used to be thousands of dollars can now be grabbed for $699 or less – all dresses are priced from $249 to $699. It’s truly a steal, allowing couples to use the money saved to invite more guests, add decor, have a nicer honeymoon, or just not go broke.

I went last year with my roommate Christina to help her find her dress. We did not do the running part in the morning. According to the website: “When the doors open, they run full speed towards the racks. In less than 60 seconds, the racks are stripped bare (store employees have to hold on to the fixtures so they don’t topple). The women grab whatever gowns they can, haul them off to a corner, strip down to their underwear and start trying on dresses. Minutes later the trading begins. Every dress, no matter what size, style or color, gets bartered for another, as each bride tries to find the gown of her dreams at a cut-rate price.” Yeah.. I’m 5’2″ and weigh less than 100 pounds, there’s no way I’d survive that kind of situation. We opted for midday instead.

Here are the lessons Christina and I would like to pass on:

- Go in at 10AM rather than door opening. By that point, many of the dresses have already gone back up on the racks and you will not be caught in what can only be described as a crazy, screaming, opening of the floodgates.

- Bring a mirror and 2 – 3 helpers. Dresses are heavy, sometimes the plastic wrapping is hard to take off, and you want to save time taking them off the racks and have more time trying them on

- Make your helpers easy to identify. Have fun and make team T-shirts, whistles, bring walkie-talkies, whatever will make communication easy for you.

- Wear a body-hugging underwear or swimsuit or even track gear, or wear the underwear that will closely resemble what you will wear on your wedding day. Most people change on the spot so you want to be comfortable walking around. Keep in mind that there will be a few brave men at this event.

- The majority of the dresses on the racks will be popular sample sizes – I saw mostly sizes 8 – 12 (wedding dress size, not street size). Buy a dress that’s larger, not smaller. Alterations will be able to size them down, but keep in mind that a difference of greater than 2 sizes may lead to a drastic change to the style of the dress.

- As great a discount they can be, sale prices still can lead to impulse buys. Therefore, make sure you think hard before you pay because all sales are final

The roommates back then – Lusi, the beautiful Christina, and me at Christina’s wedding! (photo taken with a Canon SD800)

Anyone else been to a Running of the Bride? Got any additional advice to pass along?

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In other news, I received word today that I’ve won the Bride’s Choice Award 2010 from WeddingWire! This award recognizes the top 5 percent of local wedding professionals from the WeddingWire Network who demonstrate excellence in quality, service and professionalism. The Bride’s Choice Awards™ are determined exclusively by recent newlyweds (brides and grooms) through extensive surveys and reviews! A big big thank you to all my 2009 brides for making this possible for me!

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In the meantime, I’ve got some tips for you! Beyond the skill and artistry of a photographer, I’ve seen variations in an individual photographer’s work as well from wedding to wedding to session. There are some factors that are beyond our control – but are in the client’s control – that can help bring their photos up to the next level. After all, we work the best we can with what we are given, but some things do make our lives better and your pictures spectacular.

1. Communication – I want to understand first and foremost what my clients want to look for in their photographs. A lot of clients come to me saying they like “photojournalistic” capture, but then when they point out their favorite photos in my portfolio, they aren’t necessarily what I’d call photojournalistic! Therefore, I really believe in meeting and emailing and staying in constant contact with my clients. The more communication and understanding there is between a photographer and a client, the more prepared we will be going in.

2. Weather – Actually, this is beyond anyone’s control, weather is not the greatest in Boston, but there are things that I do to work around. First off, as a mostly natural light photographer, I almost never do portraits after sunset. In order to make sure there is enough light and time for photographs, the majority of my wedding clients elect to have their portraits taken before the ceremony (a First Look), and no one has regretted it!

3. Give enough time – A wedding day is hectic, many things can go wrong, but if photographs are important to you, you need to plan enough time to take those photos, it takes time to get familiar in front of the camera and get “just 10 great shots”. Depending on the size of your wedding party and the number of family group photos you need, I typically recommend anywhere between 1 – 2.5 hours for photos. You will need more time if you want to travel.

4. Location, location, location – If your reception or ceremony venue is naturally beautiful, then you already have a leg up. However, as I am more of an outdoors photographer, I still spend the majority of pre-session planning with my clients brainstorming multiple locations and settings because a venue might not have a great exterior, and even on the day of the wedding, things can change. Therefore, give yourself more options by being open to multiple locations.

5. Add an engagement session – Why have an engagement session? It’s an opportunity to get to know your photographer early, test out their stuff, and get some great photos at the same time. Couples who have done an engagement session are much more relaxed with me on wedding day.

6. Start with a better canvas  - It’s no secret that the more money and time one invests into a wedding, usually the better it looks. Now, I’m not sitting here telling everyone to spend more money on a wedding. However, things that do make photos better include: Taking the time to get great makeup, good hair, a form-fitting dress, beautiful florals, and details, details, details. If these kinds of provisions are not within your wedding plans, then I’d definitely recommend #7.

7. Personality – You’ve got it, your friends have it, so don’t be afraid to be yourself at your own wedding! Your personality is what is going to make your photographs uniquely yours. In the end, even if a bride had the world’s most beautiful dress, or someone managed to rent out the most expensive venue, I care most about capturing the beautiful union of two people.

One sneak peek from a styled bridal shoot featuring Bumble Bee Landing‘s floral design

Having a wedding this year while you’re young is definitely one of the most financially difficult things to pull off. The whole DIY trend is strong in weddings, and won’t go away. However, DIY everything really is a lot of work (and props to my friends Becca and Dean who pulled it off beautifully)! Brides on a budget or DIY brides, please don’t take this post the wrong way – not everyone can afford professional everywhere and that’s okay, you deserve to shine and feel absolutely wonderful on your day, just prioritize where it’s important for you. This post is geared towards people who are planning a traditional full-day wedding with ceremony and reception, and attempts to highlight where we professionals can help with that!

First off, think about all the beautiful weddings you see on TV, in magazines, on blogs like mine (heehee!)… even if it looks simple, it’s not simple, and often not cheap! My photography can only go so far – no question about it, the more expensive a wedding, the better it shows in photos as well. Think about the DIY projects you might see on HGTV. A $25 computer desk, sounds great right? But do you have the expertise, the tools, or the time to do it? The materials might cost $25, but your time is valuable, if this was your first desk it might be wobbly, and that’s why DIY can and often does end up costing just as much as if you hired a professional.

I was once part of a college staff that planned a 300+-person international relations conference in Tokyo, Japan (HPAIR!!!). Planning took a YEAR, I was just the graphic designer/part-time photographer. We had a staff of over 20 people here, and another staff in Tokyo. We chose a prime location. And still, the attendees had to pay several hundred dollars as registration fees. So if a conference costs so much, took so many people to plan, a wedding is up there in difficulty and scope.

If after everything you read below you still have a budget but want a dream wedding fit for a magazine appearance, here is some unconventional advice: Wait one more year to get married. Most other wedding websites or DIY books would tell you to DIY this or that – you know what, these websites want you to keep returning to the website so you’re looking at their ads, and the DIY books just want to sell themselves… I’m telling you the same advice I would take. Cook at home, get another year’s salary, take staycations, and save up that money. Take more time to plan it and research your vendors or take lessons to do things DIY. If having a lavish one-day celebration means that much to you, then this might be what it takes. Honestly, if you ask me, the marriage and everything that comes after is more important – and you can always have a fabulous anniversary party when you’re old and rich ;). So relax, adjust your expectations, get educated, and make the best of what you can.

Now, Why do professionals cost so much? Remember this: You’re not just hiring someone’s time, you’re hiring them for their knowledge, talent, and expertise. Most of you probably are not business owners – your job pays you your salary directly, but you don’t see what your company has to pay for the rent of your office space, the desk and chair you’re working on, the corporate taxes, the money it took to hire you, your benefits such as insurance, the coffee in your kitchen, the software licenses, the phone and cable internet lines. Many wedding vendors are like single-person CEOs, they have to factor ALL those costs into just their operating costs, and THEN add material, labor, professional talent, education on top… and oh yeah, they need to make enough money to live in an expensive place such as metro Boston. When we charge the rates that we do, we’re not gouging you, most seasoned vendors know their worth, it simply costs that much to meet your expectations. If you do happen to find a wedding vendor who charges way less than other comparable vendors – alarm bells should go off! Either you found a hidden gem who was just starting out (like me in my first year), a vendor who has another full-time job (so they can be cheaper, but are less flexible), or this person’s work is not quality and they’re out to fool you, or this person is going to go out of business soon.

Most wedding vendors don’t necessarily have a different price for weddings vs. other events – and please, don’t ever lie to a vendor and say that you’re hiring them for a “party” and not a  ”wedding” – that is cause for a lot of trouble. Some vendors will try to explain why your budgets are too low, but many vendors would often ignore brides who come in with an unrealistic budget because they’re afraid that you’re taking them to be cheap labor who will work for nothing – which I’m sure isn’t usually the case, you probably didn’t know! The best way to gain a vendor’s good relationship is to appreciate their work, learn first about what realistic costs are for their services (ask past brides, ask the vendors directly what is a reasonable charge without revealing your budget, look at books and online resources), and then adjust your budget towards what you value. I mean, I seriously didn’t know a lot of things cost the way they should have! After networking with a lot of vendors, I’ve found that usually, take what you THINK something should have cost, and multiply it by TWO. Then you’ll get to about the average price in your area.

Why hire a…

1) Wedding planner – The amount of time and money they can save you might actually make them worth it. Their expertise is second to none – they’ve seen many weddings happen, you haven’t. They can set many of your expectations straight from the start. I’ve seen people take several weeks of unpaid leave to plan their weddings. Well, take that several weeks’ wages and apply it to a wedding planner, and you’ve got a win-win situation – you still earn your money, and someone else is doing the hard stuff for you.

2) Wedding coordinator - Can’t afford a planner? At least have day-of coordination. Many people have used friends or relatives, some get them with the venue, but if you hire a private DOC, you can ensure that your interests are going to be met. If you’re not the most organized person in the world, it will show, and why plan for so long only to have the execution falter? Coordinators help you with a reasonable timeline, communicate with vendors, set up things your venue might not necessarily do (place cards, favors). Let your friends and family rest and enjoy the wedding, coordinators are there for you from beginning to end!

3) Wedding photographer – Your wedding photos last longer than anything else – we know this, you know this, and outside of wedding planners, your photographer is probably going to spend the most hours working on your wedding – so don’t make the mistake here of hiring someone you’re going to regret. I will write a post later on what actually goes into wedding photography

4) DJ or Wedding Band – Unless you are really good at coming up with playlists, know how to work AV equipment (it took me a while to learn just how to set up a one-mixer-amp system in my worship band days), know how to judge the flow of a party and change the playlist accordingly, and can keep people away from commandeering the playlist themselves… find a musician or DJ you can click with and whose equipment can accomodate the size of your party. People will remember a wedding where there wasn’t much dancing and they wanted to dance.

5) Hair and makeup artist – Now, I know many a lady who is talented with makeup, but for the bride, especially in deep summer, your makeup has to last through crazy heat and humidity, lots of hugs and tears, and many smiles. Makeup can smudge, hair can droop. Professional makeup and hair really makes a difference in the photos!

6) Caterer - You pay top dollar for a good restaurant, why do anything less for a wedding where your guests can remember the quality of the food?

7) Florist - I’ve seen beautiful DIY flowers, however, if you want really fancy arrangements that are fresh and last, you and your wedding party probably don’t want to pull an allnighter or an early morning before your wedding setting these up. A knowledgeable florist can get you good deals on flowers AND save you the time and stress of making everything – given that flowers are so fragile to begin with – and make really beautiful arrangements. Florists work with many different kinds of budgets – you might not get the MOST or PRETTIEST flowers with a smaller budget, as it’s very much a cost-driven pricing structure

8) Videographer – A photo freezes only a moment, but video captures the sights, sounds, in motion. A polished clip also takes a LONG time to edit (I once pulled 2 allnighters working on a 20-minute slideshow for a bunch of college seniors in my college Christian fellowship, and then my computer kept crashing trying to export the monster), so don’t be surprised that this would cost you a lot because it’s a lot of man hours

9) Wedding cake baker – I think shows like Ace of Cakes and The Cake Boss show you just how hard cakes are to make, but have also heightened expectations. Be prepared to have a fat wallet for a cake by Ace of Cakes’ Duff (minimum $1000). I know my Mom, a bona fide freelance cake maker herself (her sponge cake is internationally known :D), spends HOURS perfecting a “simple-looking” cake.

Last but not least, how to make your wedding experience even better? Treat your vendors like you would treat a friend – just because you’re paying them money does not mean that you should boss them around like servants – we really hope you’re not taking cues from the show Bridezillas. The better the relationship, the more likely they will adore you and provide you better service! We vendors LOVE 1) getting paid on time! 2) Getting fed and quenched – if your guests and you are eating, your vendors who are still present should be fed too 3) Most importantly, getting credit, getting 5-star reviews!!!!!!!! and referrals! Trust me when I say, they are worth more than you think, taking 5 minutes to write us a review online might just mean a new client for us next year. Pub us on your wedding website, on Facebook, your wedding bios on those planning websites, tell your engaged friends about us, a little thank you goes a long, long way!

Anyway, I’m done being on my soapbox. These are only the major vendors I can think off the top of my head, other vendors, please don’t feel offended if I haven’t included you! ANYTHING that you want to look really good, look for a professional unless you yourself had a talent and the time to execute. I definitely have some favorite vendors in mind for Boston area people, so ask me and I might be able to point you the right way =)

1) Planning a wedding is stressful - this is less a tip and more of a fact. It’s not that the bride and groom necessarily want all the attention on them when they talk about a wedding 24/7, but it is a difficult undertaking so it’s on the front of their minds. They are trying to organize an event for several hundred people all by themselves, and in most cases, with a limited budget. Please be a friend and be supportive. Also, Why is the Guest List so Stressful? The guest list and the final headcount basically determines a big chunk of the budget of a wedding. Receptions can and often do cost more than $100 per guest, and other vendors may charge more also based on headcount. For example, photographers have to plan on adding assistants. Coordinators and florists might need more hands on deck.

2) Don’t invite yourself to the wedding or assume you are in the wedding party – There are many factors and budget limitations where it’s simply not possible to invite everyone to a wedding. Don’t take it personally if you don’t get invited. When you find out that a couple has gotten engaged, offer them your congratulations, but refrain from asking what date their wedding is (you can ask month or season) or whether you’re invited or worse, inviting yourself! If you are invited or asked to be a groomsman or bridesmaid, you’ll know. Until then, respect their privacy. Also, when you are invited, don’t flaunt it in front of other people who weren’t but who are friends of the bride and groom, they might be sad they weren’t included. So if possible, be discreet.

3) RSVP, RSVP on time, RSVP without bringing uninvited guests – When reading the invitation, check the verbiage! Sometimes the invitation is only addressed to a particular person or might say “____ of 2 guests”. Weddings can be fun, but it is a personal event for the bride and groom and it’s not very good etiquette to bring someone unexpected. Usually, the +1 is designated for a serious boyfriend/girlfriend or a fiance or spouse. If you ever have a question as to if your +1 is invited, ask, don’t assume. If the wedding specified no kids, kindly be respectful to that, but if it is hard for you to leave your child, contact the bride/groom and see what can be arranged. Weddings are not like parties or dances, the +1 is not just anyone you can find. Finally, RSVP on time and properly – use the envelopes or the online link; a verbal or email RSVP can get lost in the shuffle. Many venues and vendors require a final headcount in advance of the wedding, so please give the bride something less to worry about!

4) Gift-giving – Did you know that brides and grooms get a 10 – 15% discount on all items that are not purchased on their registry? Sometimes an item is up there just for that purpose (like a couch). Registries are a guideline for what to get the bride and groom, but I’ve found that many, many people prefer cash in the end, it’s just that Western tradition has made asking for cash seem tacky (Asian cultures on the other hand, warmly accept it). It does not hurt to ask the bride and groom what they prefer, some do prefer one over the other. If you want to buy something similar to a registry item, try to match it in quantity / size / style / color. Also, you can team up with multiple guests to buy one single item. Whenever possible, don’t bring a large gift to the wedding – usually the only gifts that should be brought to a wedding are cards and envelopes w/checks. There’s a general sentiment that you have up to 1 year post-wedding to send them a gift, but I personally think it’s best to give it by the wedding or soon thereafter. The bride & groom often have to leave for their honeymoon right after the wedding and transporting large gifts home from the wedding is a logistical nightmare.

5) It’s their wedding – Whatever a couple decides to do and plan their wedding, it’s their day, they have their own vision that may be different from yours, and so please don’t hurt their feelings by saying some off-color remark about one detail or another. Plenty of people will be giving them advice left and right or offer help, but they will make the final decision in the end. If they do, don’t judge! They’ve put a lot of thought into it, just be happy for what they’ve done, and hey, if it’s your wedding, you’d probably want the same.

6) Don’t get in vendors’ way! They were hired to help =) I have been to numerous weddings – especially Asian ones – where every which way, someone else has also brought a fancy camera and is taking photos. I more than welcome that because I know you care about the bride and groom and hey, I started out doing photography like that myself, BUT, please please don’t step in the photographer’s line of sight, don’t go crazy with a flash, and in most cases, photographers (including myself) ask that you do not take photos during the group portraits because then it slows down the entire process and the wedding party will end up looking in multiple directions. If you ever have questions about taking photographs at a wedding, ask the professional photog, and they should (I hope!) be nice and tell you which angles you can capture and how to move about!

As winter approaches, good luck to all the people out there planning their proposals! Looking forward to working with some of you next year!

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